The world is full of complainers.
The fact is, nothing comes with a guarantee.
I don't care if you're the pope of Rome,
president of the United States or man of the year.
Something can always go wrong.
Go ahead, you know, complain, tell your problems to your neighbor,
ask for help and watch him fly.
Now, in Russia, they got it mapped out...
so that everyone pulls for everyone else.
That's the theory anyway.
What I know about is Texas.
Down here, you're on your own.
He gave me a little pearl-handled.38 for our first anniversary.
Un-huh.
Figured I'd better leave before I used it on him.
I just don't know how you can stand him.
I'm only an employee. I ain't married to him. Yeah.
It's just...
I don't know.
Sometimes I think maybe there's something wrong with him.
Like maybe he's sick... mentally.
Or is it maybe me, do you think?
Listen, l...
I ain't a marriage counselor.
I don't know what goes on.
I don't wanna know.
But I like you.
I always liked you.
What are you gonna do in Houston?
I'll figure something out.
How come you offered to drive me in this mess?
I told you. I like you.
I never knew that.
Well, now you do.
Hell!
Stop the car, Ray!
You know that car?
No.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
I just think maybe I'm making a mistake.
What was that back there?
Back where?
That sign.
I don't know.
Motel.
Abby... Ray?
Did you mean what you said before?
Or were you just being a gentleman?
Abby, I like you.
But it's no point in starting anything now.
Yeah.
- I mean, I ain't a marriage counselor. - Yeah.
What do you wanna do?
Hello. Having a good time?
Who is this? I don't know.
Who's this?
You still there? Yeah, I'm still here.
Ray?
Yeah? Who was it?
Your husband.
I know where you can get those framed.
Why'd you take these?
What do you mean? Just doin' my job.
You called me. I knew they were there. Why'd you take 'em?
I don't know.
Call it a fringe benefit.
How long you watch 'em?
Most of the night.
They'd rest every few minutes, then... they'd get started again.
Hmm.
Quite somethin'.
Hmm. You know in Greece...
they would cut off the head of the messenger that brought the bad news.
That don't make much sense.
No.
Made them feel better.
Well, first off,
Julian,
I don't know what the story is in Greece,
but in this state we got very definite laws about that.
Second, I'm not a messenger.
I'm a private investigator.
And third and most important,
it ain't such bad news.
I mean, you thought he was colored.
You're always assumin' the worst.
Anything else?
Mm-hmm. Don't come around here anymore.
If I need ya, I'll know what rock to turn over.
That's good!
"What rock to turn over."
Very, very good!
Give me a call whenever you wanna cut off my head.
I can always crawl around without it.
We'll be back after a spell. Hope you will be too.
Hold it, hold it.
Where was I?
You were telling me about the Ring of Fire. Oh, yeah, right. Look.
You got all these volcanoes, right?
And every time one goes "pop," you got the equivalent of what?
- Twenty, thirty megatons of T.N.T. - Meurice.
Yeah, I know, Marty, pour'em short.
Did Ray come in yet? You know it's his night off.
Where was he last night? How would I know where he was last night?
I don't know. Didn't he call?
Marty, this is, um,
an old friend of mine, this is Debra.
Debra, this is Julian Marty.
- Deuce in the corner needs help. - Right.
How long you known Meurice? About ten years.
Ten years.
What are you doin' tonight? Goin' out with Meurice.
Tell him you have a headache.
I'll pass.
We don't seem to be... communicating...
Look, you wanna hustle me? I don't wanna be hustled. You don't?
It's as simple as that. Oh, it's as simple as that.
Meurice, I'm not here if Ray comes, okay?
- Right. - Right.
Nice guy. Not really.
What'd you say your last name was?
Opal.
Ray?
Yeah? Let's get outta here.
You get what you wanted? Yeah. Let's get outta here.
Drive me to a motel?
You can stay at my place. I'll drop you there.
Where are you going? See a guy.
Ray, don't go to the bar.
I know him. It ain't a good idea.
I've just gotta see a guy.
So, it's a deal.
You and your colleagues find a way to harness this vast volcanic energy,
and I just sit back and watch these shit kickers go broke.
Howdy, stranger. Meurice, sorry about last night.
No sweat. Wasn't too busy. You missed a good one though.
This white guy walks in about 1:00 and asks if we have a discount for alcoholics.
I tell him to get lost.
Now, Marty's here and I can tell he's thinking that maybe that ain't such a bad idea.
Marty?
Well, what?
What "what"? Am I fired?
You wanna hit me, what?
I don't particularly want to talk to you.
Well,
you're not gonna fire me, I might as well quit.
Fine.
Suit yourself.
Having a good time?
I don't like this kind of talk.
What'd you come here for?
You owe me for two weeks.
No.
She's an expensive piece of ass.
But you get a refund if you tell me who else she's been sluicing.
I want that money. You got somethin' to tell me, fine.
You a fucking marriage counselor?
What are you smilin' at?
I'm funny, right? I'm an asshole?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not what's funny.
What's funny is her.
What's funny is that I had you two followed...
because if it's not you she's sleeping with, it's someone else.
And what's really gonna be funny...
is when she gives you that innocent look and says,
"I don't know what you're talkin' about, Ray.
I ain't done anything funny."
But the funniest thing to me right now...
is that you think that she came back here for you.
That's what's fucking funny!
Come on this property again, I'll be forced to shoot you.
Fair notice.
Hey, Marty?
Marty, thought you were dead. You goin' home?
No.
I'm staying right here in hell.
It's kind of a bleak point of view, isn't it, Marty?
Meurice,
I don't want the asshole near my money.
And I don't want him in the bar.
We get a lot of assholes in here, Marty.
Hello?
Marty?
- Who was it? - What?
On the phone.
Was it for you?
I don't know. He didn't say anything.
How'd you know it was a he?
You got a girl?
Am I screwing something up by being here? No.
Am I?
I can find a place tomorrow, and I'll be out of your hair.
If that's what you wanna do then you oughta do it.
You, uh...
You want the bed or the couch?
Well,
couch will be all right.
You can sleep on the bed if you want.
I'm not gonna put you outta your bed.
Wouldn't be puttin' me out.
I'll be all right here.
Okay.
Opal?
Lover-boy oughta lock his door.
Lotta nuts out there.
Let's do it outside... in nature, hmm?
I'd like to have seen his face when he found the dead end.
Hey, mister, how'd you break your pussy finger?
I'm sorry, sweetheart, my date is here.
She saw me rolling a cigarette, thought it was marijuana.
Thought I was a swinger.
Isn 't that wild?
Stick your finger up the wrong person's ass?
You know, you know,
a friend of mine a while back broke his hand, put in a cast.
The very next day he falls, protects his bad hand and he breaks his good one.
He breaks that too, you know?
Now he's got two busted flippers. So I says to him...
I said, "Creighton, I hope your wife really loves you.
'Cause for the next five weeks, you can't even wipe your own goddamn ass."
That's a test. Test of true love.
- I got a job for you.
Well, if the pay's right and it's legal, I'll do it.
It's not strictly legal.
Well, if the pay's right, I'll do it.
It's in reference to that gentleman and my wife.
The more I think about it,
the more irritated I get.
Could you tell me what it is you want me to do,
or is it a secret?
It's no joke.
You want me to kill'em.
Well...
Well what?
What do you think?
You're an idiot.
So this wouldn't... wouldn't interest you, huh?
I didn't say that. All I said was you're an idiot.
Hell, you've been thinkin' about it for so much, it's driving you simple.
I'll give you $10,000.
I'm supposed to... do a murder...
two murders...
trust you not to go simple on me...
and do something stupid.
I mean really stupid.
Now why should I trust you?
For the money. The money.
Yeah,
that's a right smart of money.
In Russia,
they make only 50 cent a day.
I want you, uh, to go fishing.
What? Go down to Corpus for a few days.
Get yourself noticed.
I'll give you a call when it's done.
You just find a way to cover that money.
I'll take care of the money. You make sure those bodies aren't found.
There's a big incinerator behind my place.
So you want like a town house? Your own apartment?
I show you around.
You sure this apartment is vacant, Mrs. Esteves? Oh, yes.
I was just explaining to him...
that he moved out yesterday.
Don't mind Mr. Garcia. He used to be my brother-in-law.
Looks like the state legislature is out of session.
Yeah, I thought this was where they met.
Listen, you're gonna help me with a problem. I am?
You're gonna keep an eye on Marty and Ray. Make sure nothing happens.
Gentlemen, let's show our appreciation for Lorraine up there,
a registered nurse from Bolton, Texas.
How 'bout it, gentlemen?
Thanks, Meurice. Any time.
Hey, you don't have to worry 'bout a thing for a while. Marty went to Corpus yesterday.
He's in the house.
He's in the house!
What's the matter? Could've sworn I heard somethin'.
Door's locked. There's nothing there.
Well,
I guess we wouldn't have heard anything if it had been him.
He's real careful.
Fact is...
he's anal, Ray. Huh?
Mm-hmm. He told me once himself. He said to me...
"In here...
Abby, in here I'm anal."
Well, I'll be damned.
I couldn't believe it myself.
Me, on the other hand, I got lots of personality.
Marty said I had too much. But he was never big on personality.
He sent me to a psychiatrist once to see if he could calm me down some.
Yeah? And what happened?
Psychiatrist said I was the healthiest person he ever met so Marty fired him.
I don't think you can fire a psychiatrist, exactly.
I never saw him again. I can tell you that much. Mm-hmm.
I said, "Marty,
how come you're anal and I gotta go to the psychiatrist?"
What did he say? Nothing.
Just like you. He doesn't say much.
Thanks.
Except when he doesn 't say things, they're usually nasty. Mm-hmm.
And when you don't, they're usually nice.
You ever get tired? Hmm?
Oh, yeah, I guess.
Uh-huh.
Hello? Marty?
Yeah. Catch any fish?
What? Catch any fish?
Yeah, yeah. What kind of fish?
Listen, is it done? Yes, sir. You owe me some money.
If you're fucking with me, you'll regret it.
They look good.
Why? You want a couple?
Just the 10,000 will be fine.
Got something to show me first?
Dead?
So it would seem.
What'd you do with the bodies? It's taken care of.
The less you know about it, the better.
Jesus.
I don't believe it.
I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna want that picture back.
- You did say somethin' about the money. - Yeah, the money.
Somethin' I gotta ask you, Marty.
I've been very, very careful.
Have you been very, very careful?
Of course. Nobody knows you hired me?
Don't be stupid.
I'm not about to tell anyone.
We have to learn to be discreet.
Trust each other.
For richer... for poorer.
Don't say that.
Your marriages don't turn out so hot.
How did you cover the money? It's been taken care of.
The less you know about it, the better.
I made a call.
It'll be all right.
You must've gone money simple.
A murder like this, it's too risky.
Then you shouldn't have done it.
Can't have it both ways.
Count it... and go.
Nah.
I trust ya.
Who looks stupid now?
Damn.
Marty?
What's the matter, you deaf?
Marty?
Marty, ya home?
Marty?
What night is tonight?
Tuesday.
Tuesday night is Ladies' Night.
What? Tuesday night is Ladies' Night.
All your drinks are free.